Fields of Hope

some songs are magical.
i sink into a trance-like state whenever i hear this song. the tranquil ambiance flows into my heart with the notes. it seeps in...deep. and the sentiments which i relate to it, though have nothing to do with the original message that the song intends to convey, always come back even after yrs. as they stay...and grow in me.

いつか緑の朝に
someday, on a green morning
いつか辿り着けると
someday, we will make it there
冬枯れた
where winter withers
この空を信じているから
because we believe in this sky
Fields of Hope...

and i can't stand it but to grumble about the translation on most of the english anime lyrics sites. it still sounds like fresh from Babel Fish. to make things worse, they can't even get the japanese part correct in the first place. geez...

Memory graveyard

love buried xyz in the graveyard of my memory as "friends" in the name of "friendship".

i pay a lot of respect to the dead and make sure they are not disturbed... and stay dead.

rip. rip. rip. rip. rip. rIP, pls.
i would bring you a bouquet of flowers every yr if you wish so.

......

it only pains when i need to face it...again.

The facade of optimism

your remark about my affinity for smiling still disturbs me. i don't have an affinity for smiling... i smile because it encompasses all my emotions & words, presented in a most welcomed way. yet hardly anyone apprehends it, or even notices it. not even you.

i'm sry that i can't hide my tone of disappointment. after so many yrs...after all those things... you have yet to realise that smiling is an ability i've developed for dealing with incapacitated situations. it's an armour, a camouflage, whatever it's called to conceal my real feelings and thoughts. i hate to turn one of the instinctive behaviours into something so... complex. but...

...think i shall stop before i snap...before my split personality starts to surface. haaa.

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i saw Ape's entry that she was pitying herself for not able to find anyone to confide in when she's truly depress. i guess... it's more or less the same for everyone. no matter how close mentally, spiritually or physically two pple are, they are still two entities. two entities with their own territories and there's no way of merging.

even shared boundary entities.

i chanced upon Angela Aki's "Kiss me Goodbye" juz now . somehow, it still brings tears to my eyes. zzz...

Everyone was once Harry, Ron AND Hermione…

at some point of their lives.
then we lost it through the process of adapting to the world. ……. the funny thing is that the more i know, the less i believe.

it’s a story about what you believe…or rather, sustaining your belief when it probably brings heaven and hell at the same time. putting aside any regards for level of maturity or intelligence, believeing is happiness. well, most of the times.

i miss the time when i assume Barbie doll’s hair will grow back after i snipped it. i miss the time when i bawled for weeks for the death of a manga/anime character as if he/she did exist. i miss the time when i believe all my bday wishes will come true with one blow at the candles. when love made my world go round and my world mainly consisted of 3 things. The rest were my wild musings and… my believes.

then it hit me hard - everytime when i start to believe, something’s ripped from me. it’s tough, so tough when the sickening cycle just repeats time after time. Harry is a fortunate boy. he has his strong belief and the buddies and rivals lay clearly in front of him. i believe, i do believe i can defeat my VoldemortS, both in physical or intangible forms, in time. but sometimes the problem is… who is Voldemort? what should be considered as "Which-Must-Not-Be-Named"?

i still feel small when i stand beside the ocean. i still believe a lot of things, beautiful things...like the Little Prince does. even if it means hell to me, i will "build a heaven in hell’s despair".

gotta love William Blake’s poem. one of my all time favourites.

"Obliviate".