The facade of optimism

your remark about my affinity for smiling still disturbs me. i don't have an affinity for smiling... i smile because it encompasses all my emotions & words, presented in a most welcomed way. yet hardly anyone apprehends it, or even notices it. not even you.

i'm sry that i can't hide my tone of disappointment. after so many yrs...after all those things... you have yet to realise that smiling is an ability i've developed for dealing with incapacitated situations. it's an armour, a camouflage, whatever it's called to conceal my real feelings and thoughts. i hate to turn one of the instinctive behaviours into something so... complex. but...

...think i shall stop before i snap...before my split personality starts to surface. haaa.

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i saw Ape's entry that she was pitying herself for not able to find anyone to confide in when she's truly depress. i guess... it's more or less the same for everyone. no matter how close mentally, spiritually or physically two pple are, they are still two entities. two entities with their own territories and there's no way of merging.

even shared boundary entities.

i chanced upon Angela Aki's "Kiss me Goodbye" juz now . somehow, it still brings tears to my eyes. zzz...