Selective amnesia

i think i'm getting good at this.

my mind can be completely blank when i try to recall things juz happened a few weeks ago. things will juz slip out of my mind UNCONSCIOUSLY... if my brain identifies them as being -unpleasant-

great.

may be it can try to work& even better to help me get rid of all the stupid feelings... stupid cos it's completely pointless as_ will never know. haha... -_-

-------------------------- i'm the lovely divider-------------------------------

actually i wanted to paste some nice stuffs in chinese here.. BUT as usual..., all the chinese characters appear as "???????" the weird thing is they look perfectly fine under preview.... =___=" monkey boy said my blog is haunted. ok may be he's right considered i left it to rot for 1 yr + before....

oooo i have a spooky blog. wow~~ weeeee.... dots.

Swan Lake by The Royal Ballet (UK)

i juz finished watching the ballet in Esplanade... & i watched TWICE, both ytd & today. why twice? cos my parents bought the tickets for 2 nights =_="

i muz say it's truly truly TRULY AMAZING~!!!! i've not watched any dance performance that's as spectacular & breathtaking as this one... well, it has 2b GOOD considered the fact that my parents spent 500 - 600 bucks on the 2-night performance. haha...

another interesting thing to note is... on the 1st night of performance, i had THREE MINISTERS sitting right behind me. juz 1 row behind me, with all the body guards sitting beside them. w00t! & i THINK i also saw the lady from the NYGH's Board of Directors. gotta ask eileen for her name cos i kinda forgot...lol.

Ear piercing for the 2nd time

i juz pierced my ears at Bits & Pieces to get another pair of ear holes. now my ears feel like they r on fire... it's freakingggg painful. stella was right, the higher the holes is, the more painful it will be. darn.

haha.. i have to go through all the painful processes again, waiting for my ears to heal. zzz... anyway it also marks the start of the new me. lalalala~ grr.. it sounds so cliche n weird. nvm....

It's over, ha.

really over, after knowing the truth. & strangely i don't feel THAT sad like what i've imagined last time. rather, i feel really relieved. so relieved....

i don't deny that i still think it's a bit pitiful, for my time & energy, but it juz feels WAY BETTER than before i found out the truth. i've cleared away the burden that has been bothering me for the past few days. through this incident, i can also get over all the past finally & move on... really move on after like... 1.5yrs. haha, i've actually gained something through this sad incident. sad in my case....

if it's fated 2b mine, it will be mine in the end. otherwise, no matter how hard i try, it's still not mine.

Who's lying?

Only words will lie
Feelings will always be truthful...

i've been lying to almost everyone around me, even myself. but my feelings wont budge & this results in the constant torment of my short-circuited brain. =_=||| i'm really feeling very very very bad now.... i need to make a choice, but both choices are equally hard to carry out. jelly used to say if i refuse to give up, means i still have hopes. actually i dont want to have any hope.. but somehow it's really hard to make myself be despaired.

i really want to ask _ _ _. though i doubt i will ever have the courage to open my mouth, not to mention the courage to face the consequences after i asked. T^T *sigh* in the end, things will juz die off on their own... & may b this is the best to me. cos i'm tired... way too tired....

it's really sorrowful to see me sinking in the lies that are weaved by myself.

*sigh*

i'm mentally unstable now... call me mad, crazy or anything. i don't mind...

i think my brain is short-circuit. i've been wondering the same thing for the past few days & i simple cannot figure it out. is it the so called destiny or something to meet certain pple along the way? or it's merely a coincidence... an unfortunate one in my case. =_="

come to think of it, certain incidents can be avoided so easily. yet cos of the things i did UNINTENTIONALLY, it juz happened. doh.... i'm so tired now, mentally tired. & juz who could help me to fix my short-circuited brain..? i still got a freaking common test to overcome *sigh*

heck.

this word has been ringing in my mind for a thousand times, yet i simply cant act like what it means... juz like 2 yrs ago. ha ha! history will ALWAYS repeat itself... that's y we r learning it. not to prevent it from happening, but to learn about the present us. funny... to me, it's juz sooo ironic....

my only comfort is the pple around me who are trying to support the lunatic me... enduring my blabbering. lol. my appreciation goes to all these friends who read or don't read my blog, esp cai & JH. ha... k, this is getting mushy... & it's not my style.
i want to quote from a chinese song as i love these 2 lines. & it's so troublesome cos apparently, all chinese words appear as ??????? no matter what i do. so i have to make them into pics...

~The Furthest Distance in the World~

The furthest distance in the world
Is not between life and death
But when I stand in front of you
Yet you do not know that
I love you

The furthest distance in the world
Is not when i stand in font of you
Yet you cannot feel my love
But when undoubtedly
Knowing the love from both
Yet cannot be together

The furthest distance in the world
Is not being apart while being in love
But when plainly can not resist the yearning
Yet pretending
You have never been in my heart

The furthest distance in the world
Is not pretending
You have never been in my heart
But using my indifferent heart
To dig an uncrossable river
For the one who loves me

by [ Tagore ]

---- i juz understood this poem thoroughly after knowing it for like years. but i regreted immediately from the moment i understood it. it really doesn't feel good to experience the feelings mentioned in the poem. too bad.. it's too late. certain things are best left unknow.

I'm back.

this trip is reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy fun. i juz reached s'pore at 6 AM. dots... it's AM.

i get to know many interesting pple. eg. monkey boy (LOL!), wendy, jian hao, chin hwee etc. i'm too lazy to elaborate now... cos i'm damn tired n is falling asleep right in front of the comp. really enjoyed myself. it may be even more interesting than going out with parents. haha... or rather it's a totally new experience that can only be felt in this type of programme.

a lot of funny-to-hell-things happened within the 10 days. i shall try to list out aft i regain my energy.